Dedicated to all those bad girls who tend to be so hard on themselves…
It has been a long road, a long ride to get here. I reflected the other night with a friend about what it is that is needed to live purposefully. For me it has been the hope and the energy I drive from recognizing that my life has a purpose at all. God’s call for my life is the driving force of everything I do or not do. That vision also gives me the courage to do unlikely things, even those things I would prefer not to do. It was both easy and scary to leave my home behind, a career, friends, and family to pursue a graduate degree that will not guarantee me a job, nor a spot in the high pay scale. But I can say it has been worth it!
My first year of seminary had been a traumatic experience, in a nut shell. But in the brokenness God has helped us through. Without going into too much detail, =) Imagine going to bed thinking all the things you did during the day, your everyday routine, was perfect, and waking up to read the paper to find out that all the events of the day before were all a lie. Shocker! You read the Bible and you are angry! Feeling deceived when you pray until you stop. Listening to a sermon will never be the same, and you stop listening at all, which includes not going to church. And questioning everything…Everything! Is Jesus God? Who is Jesus? Is it even possible to know him, let alone love him or follow him at all? Your heroes become villains, sorry St. Paul! Good bye!
And while all this turmoil is going on in your head, heart and soul. Life decides to throw rocks at you, boulders. For me a sick child, and love. Seminary has not been only been a teaching in the academia, but it has also been training for life. To live purposefully, to see, feel and do with intent. The people around me, I am convinced, have been God sent. They too have gone through similar and in many cases more traumatic experiences than mine, but that is their story to tell. I know I will be in this community only for a little while, so I cherish every moment I get to spend here. To be present in the present, protects me from hurting myself by looking back and subdues the temptation to always be looking way too much into the future.
I have faith my theology about the Bible, the Word, Jesus, the Church will be reconciled sooner than later. Some of it it is starting to make sense again, in a different way. I PRAY, I do pray that along the way God gives me the strength to press on to the finish line. I will share here some of the ideas that have become concrete, and the ways I have been changed.
For now to my peeps, I ended the year with excellent grades, all A’s so far and I thank you for your continued support, love, and prayers! Love ya all! Peace Out!